Suicidal

Suicide. A relief for the sufferer, but a life long pain for loved ones.

I have just read an article regarding a 15 year old boy who has committed suicide as a result of being harrassed and bullied for a whole year. Several thoughts came into my mind when I read this article. Thoughts of disbelief that yet again schools are unaware of such bullying. Thoughts of heartache and sorrow, knowing what it feels like to be constantly bullied, harrassed and harangued day in day out. The reason for this post is that I hope that what I say as a survivor, helps someone one day.

January 2010. The month and year my life changed forever. A silly little game of truth and dare, completely blown out of proportion. A joke, which turned into years of hell. The rumours ran through school like wildfire. They were just that, RUMOURS, because there was no truth to them whatsoever, but who was going to listen. When someone knows something demoralizing about you, even though you think they are your friend, they would much prefer to conform to the norm of the majority, then believe you.

I spent days on my own in my classes, because no-one would sit next to me. I would have taunts said behind me as I walked passed. It’s things like this that first lead you into the realms of paranoia. Once paranoia kicks in so does anxiety up until there came a point where I refused to sit in assemblies, i would just lock myself in the toilets for a whole hour.

Now I may be going on a bit, but there is method in my madness.

Ask yourself this. Have you found yourself feeling like this? Has the thought of suicide been your only legitimate route of escape from life? If your answer to both of these questions is yes then please keep reading.

When you first start to imagine ways of killing yourself is when you need to stop and take 5 minutes to think of these 5 questions?

Why are they saying this abou me, is it true?

How are they different than me?

How am I better? (That list better be long you is AMAZING!)

Who can help me and protect me?

Do I really want my Mum and/or Dad to suffer if I die?

Think about your answers. 10 times out of 10 people chat shit about you because they are incompetent s***heads who are sorry excuses for human beings. Now I may sound like a hypocrite at this point but I am not telling you to tell them that, just think it ๐Ÿ˜‰. What they don’t know won’t hurt them!

You are better because your cleverer, you don’t hurt people and you are generally a lovely person ๐Ÿ˜˜.

You will feel like you can talk to no-one in school, not even teachers because you legitimately think they cannot help you. You just have to pick the right one. Normally your Head of Year or your tutor. Please do speak up because if you don not say something, nothing will happen to change your situation.

If they don’t listen, don’t stop. Tell the police using the non-emergency number. If that doesn’t work go to your nearest pharmacy and discuss your concerns. There are safeguarding policies in place to protect you. Help is always near. Don’t ever give up!

And last but not least. Your loved ones. Suicide doesn’t stop the pain, it just passes it on. Think about how it makes you feel when you see either of your Mum and Dad cry. I will leave it at that.

As someone who has been very close to suicide I can honestly say that it really isn’t worth it. I have a secret. I have a very good job. I cannot disclose what I do, but it gives me great pleasure to see the people who bullied and ostracized me to come into my work place and see that they haven’t done aswell as me in life. I also don’t think I could lose my little brother aswell, I love him too much and I don’t want him to feel any pain. So things do get better. I am living proof of this. No matter what and without a doubt there is help out there. You just need to find someone to help you.

So if you are feeling suicidal right now then find the correct help or even email us on facelessbanter@gmail.com if you need any form of help. We will do our best to try and get back to you within 24 hours.

I feel like I have gone on for ages but Suicide is a subject close to my heart and I cannot say it enough. YOU ARE AMAZING!! Simple. I don’t know, you but the fact your living and breathing means you are.

Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop. I am living proof that I survived and I is enjoying life right now! Thanks be to God. My saviour! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Until next time ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

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Uncertainty….

 

Most nights I stay awake thinking whether the choices I have made in life were right and whether the current route I am pursuing is correct for me, is this what I am meant to be doing or have I got it totally wrong. Each time I remain totally uncertain, perhaps it’s my nature to be so uncertain but I so wish I was not like this. I think, think and think more and this to be honest achieves nothing for me. Maybe reading this, this is something ย you can relate to. Though I have no answer for you, on how to rectify this what I can say is that sometimes you just have to trust the journey and now that you’re destined path will open. This however, is easier than done. For me, I rely on God to get me through and each time I feel overwhelmed by my journey I reflect on this quote:

โ€œAs I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good; I was actually being re-directed to something better. You must convince your heart that whatever Godย has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you.โ€

-Imam Ghazali

Now I’m aware that everyone does not have faith inย God and that’s why if you do have worries and uncertainty in your heart you must find an alternative that can help you and almost soothe your heart in times of uncertainty and difficulty. Truth be told you’ve probably heard this a million times, but worrying is really pointless but humans have an intrinsic trait to obsesses and ponder over negative thoughts and think of the worst possible scenarios that may occur, now I am also guilty of this. For this, you have to change your thought pattern, if you concentrate on a positive thoughts believe me your life will improve endlessly. I truly hope that for someone, somewhere out there this post has helped you……

Serenity

Stroll

Have you ever wanted to just drop everything and run? Have you ever wanted to travel around the world without a worry in sight? Have you ever just wanted peace?

I’m guessing YES because if your answer is no then your life is way too easy and be grateful because not many are blessed with such a thing. Now your probably wondering where this post is going.

Let me tell you a story.

It was a beautiful sunny morning and I had just landed in Birmingham for an exam at the sweet time of 7:30am. (Those bleeding exams ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) There was literally no-one around probably because they were still sleeping or were still at home like normal people. There are some really fancy-schmancy buildings along my walk towards the university. I was literally strolling along the pavement with the sun burning me and the wind blowing around me and I have to say that I have never felt more at peace then I did then. It was in that moment that I realised that one day i was going to make it. Exams are depressing as f***and know I sit here near the biggest exam of my life 3 years on and I know it’s going to be okay. That stroll I had literally made me drop most of my worries and changed my perspective of my future. I remember thinking “I am going to make it.”

Referring back to the start of this blog post where I asked a few rhetorical questions. They become relevant at this point of the post. You can do all of those things and have all of those if you work hard now. My parents bang on about this all the time and for the last 18 years I have finally realised what they now mean. I am closer to my goal than I have ever been, I have made it. Through bullying, pain, suicidal thoughts feeling like it’s not worth it, I AM HERE!!!!

That stroll changed my life!

I hope I have inspired you a little and I hope you have a lovely day. Until next time ๐Ÿ™‚

Worried? Don’t be…

The racing thoughts.ย The burning questions. The what if’s? The heartache. It all feels like a downward spiral with a frightening landing.

Most humans are ingrained to think out each situation a million times over. Women more so than men. However, we can develop a level of anxiety, which just causes us to go into meltdown ๐Ÿ˜ฅ…

Everytime this happens to you, where you find yourself worried out of your mind over something, maybe you have been asked or possibly need to do, but you don’t know how to tackle it.

Lay out your options.

On a blank piece of paper, write out all of your questions and then go back with your answers.

Let me give you an example. A new job. Worried if it’s the right thing for you?

Do you have to move away?

What would your family say?

Do you have to leave your parents/husband/wife/kids for long periods of time?

Will you fit in?

Will the job be a step up in your career?

Do you need a change of scenery?

Am I prepared enough?

Do I have enough knowledge for this job?

And so on…

By physically writing out and laying out your thought pattern, you not only are easily able to see clearly if its the right thing for you, but also it gives your poor brain a rest.

Once you have got your answers, rip that m*****f****r up. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hope this helped. Before you guys go, leave a comment down below on topics that you would like us to discuss and give our opinion on.

Stay blessed and until next time.

Bullying

The echoing laughs, the pointing fingers. The sneers, the unnecessary smirks. To say I was happy was a lie that fell from my lips too easily.ย It was as if I was alone. Trying to find my way out of this nightmare, which would never end. Everyday becomes a chore. Repeatedly mocking me until I can take no more.

I lie here with my wounds wide open, praying for a release from this cycle of depression. Help me, save me, I can’t let this go on.ย I sit here with these words. I am alone, I have no-one so why is life worth living. There is no-one to help me now, so what do I do. Is it the end?ย 

STOP!

Breathe. Just let it out. Cry. Shout. Ain’t nobody going to hurt you. You are not alone. I was in your shoes once. I know how it feels to be degraded and bullied by mindless imbeciles. Just remember, when your successful, they will remember you and you will be their boss. Ain’t that the biggest dose of karma ever.

Don’t let anyone hurt you. Get stronger and be stronger. Fufill your dreams and be who you want to be. Use the pain as your motivation to become successful. Words mean nothing. No-one can get to you unless you let them.

Smile. I am.

9-5 Grind…..Sometimes it’s now or never.

Do you ever feel that 9-5 is just not for you, I have many times. You get up in the morning, shower, have breakfast, get changed and set out to work. You reach work, you do the same things day in day out….You go home, undress, shower, eat, relax and sleep. There just is no element of fun to your life any more. The routine you once dreamed of has now become lethal. You feel like life has been drained out of you, every Sunday you think of your week ahead and you realise it’s the same thing, every day. How can you spend your entire life doing this, not working towards your own goals and spending your life working for someone else’s dreams. Believe it or not, this use to be me, I spent pretty much my life working for someone else’s dream without pursuing my own. That’s why I decided I needed to become more adventurous, more courageous, more gutsy. Now more than ever, I needed to let go of everything that was holding me back and pursue my dreams. I needed to run with the ideas I had, I needed to get started now or it would never happen and most of all I needed to believe that I can do it.

That’s how you need to think, pursue your dream, make it happen because before you know it you would have spent 10 or more years in a job you didn’t really enjoy, that’s 10 years too late, go for it now!