Uncertainty….

 

Most nights I stay awake thinking whether the choices I have made in life were right and whether the current route I am pursuing is correct for me, is this what I am meant to be doing or have I got it totally wrong. Each time I remain totally uncertain, perhaps it’s my nature to be so uncertain but I so wish I was not like this. I think, think and think more and this to be honest achieves nothing for me. Maybe reading this, this is something  you can relate to. Though I have no answer for you, on how to rectify this what I can say is that sometimes you just have to trust the journey and now that you’re destined path will open. This however, is easier than done. For me, I rely on God to get me through and each time I feel overwhelmed by my journey I reflect on this quote:

“As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good; I was actually being re-directed to something better. You must convince your heart that whatever God has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you.”

-Imam Ghazali

Now I’m aware that everyone does not have faith in God and that’s why if you do have worries and uncertainty in your heart you must find an alternative that can help you and almost soothe your heart in times of uncertainty and difficulty. Truth be told you’ve probably heard this a million times, but worrying is really pointless but humans have an intrinsic trait to obsesses and ponder over negative thoughts and think of the worst possible scenarios that may occur, now I am also guilty of this. For this, you have to change your thought pattern, if you concentrate on a positive thoughts believe me your life will improve endlessly. I truly hope that for someone, somewhere out there this post has helped you……

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Serenity

Stroll

Have you ever wanted to just drop everything and run? Have you ever wanted to travel around the world without a worry in sight? Have you ever just wanted peace?

I’m guessing YES because if your answer is no then your life is way too easy and be grateful because not many are blessed with such a thing. Now your probably wondering where this post is going.

Let me tell you a story.

It was a beautiful sunny morning and I had just landed in Birmingham for an exam at the sweet time of 7:30am. (Those bleeding exams 😦 ) There was literally no-one around probably because they were still sleeping or were still at home like normal people. There are some really fancy-schmancy buildings along my walk towards the university. I was literally strolling along the pavement with the sun burning me and the wind blowing around me and I have to say that I have never felt more at peace then I did then. It was in that moment that I realised that one day i was going to make it. Exams are depressing as f***and know I sit here near the biggest exam of my life 3 years on and I know it’s going to be okay. That stroll I had literally made me drop most of my worries and changed my perspective of my future. I remember thinking “I am going to make it.”

Referring back to the start of this blog post where I asked a few rhetorical questions. They become relevant at this point of the post. You can do all of those things and have all of those if you work hard now. My parents bang on about this all the time and for the last 18 years I have finally realised what they now mean. I am closer to my goal than I have ever been, I have made it. Through bullying, pain, suicidal thoughts feeling like it’s not worth it, I AM HERE!!!!

That stroll changed my life!

I hope I have inspired you a little and I hope you have a lovely day. Until next time 🙂

Bullying

The echoing laughs, the pointing fingers. The sneers, the unnecessary smirks. To say I was happy was a lie that fell from my lips too easily. It was as if I was alone. Trying to find my way out of this nightmare, which would never end. Everyday becomes a chore. Repeatedly mocking me until I can take no more.

I lie here with my wounds wide open, praying for a release from this cycle of depression. Help me, save me, I can’t let this go on. I sit here with these words. I am alone, I have no-one so why is life worth living. There is no-one to help me now, so what do I do. Is it the end? 

STOP!

Breathe. Just let it out. Cry. Shout. Ain’t nobody going to hurt you. You are not alone. I was in your shoes once. I know how it feels to be degraded and bullied by mindless imbeciles. Just remember, when your successful, they will remember you and you will be their boss. Ain’t that the biggest dose of karma ever.

Don’t let anyone hurt you. Get stronger and be stronger. Fufill your dreams and be who you want to be. Use the pain as your motivation to become successful. Words mean nothing. No-one can get to you unless you let them.

Smile. I am.

9-5 Grind…..Sometimes it’s now or never.

Do you ever feel that 9-5 is just not for you, I have many times. You get up in the morning, shower, have breakfast, get changed and set out to work. You reach work, you do the same things day in day out….You go home, undress, shower, eat, relax and sleep. There just is no element of fun to your life any more. The routine you once dreamed of has now become lethal. You feel like life has been drained out of you, every Sunday you think of your week ahead and you realise it’s the same thing, every day. How can you spend your entire life doing this, not working towards your own goals and spending your life working for someone else’s dreams. Believe it or not, this use to be me, I spent pretty much my life working for someone else’s dream without pursuing my own. That’s why I decided I needed to become more adventurous, more courageous, more gutsy. Now more than ever, I needed to let go of everything that was holding me back and pursue my dreams. I needed to run with the ideas I had, I needed to get started now or it would never happen and most of all I needed to believe that I can do it.

That’s how you need to think, pursue your dream, make it happen because before you know it you would have spent 10 or more years in a job you didn’t really enjoy, that’s 10 years too late, go for it now!

Can’t let go…..Oh yes you can!

One of the best feelings in the world is moving on and letting go of someone that is wrong for you. Initially, making this step will be the hardest thing you have ever done, it will feel like almost someone is asking you to give away a part of your heart. You may know deep down in your heart that you have to let go, but its often hope that keeps you hanging on. This type of hope confuses your soul the most, you feel if you just try a little harder you can rectify the situation, truth is you can’t. The longer you stay, is the more you’ll destroy your own self worth. Constantly questioning what more you can do, and why your not good enough. Truth is a person can only meet you on the level they see their own selves at. Remember, their ability to not see your worth is more a reflection of their own character rather then yourself.

Now I can sit here and write in depth about letting go of toxic people  but ultimately it boils down to one thing YOU! You have to realise that this person is negative in your life. Believe me, self realisation counts for a damn lot. Now you may ask, how do I actually get over a person, its easier said than done. Well my answer to this question is that you have to change your thought’s about them. What in effect I am saying is that you have to change what you attach their identity too. So before, you may attach their identity to someone who you love, care for and someone who brings you happiness etc. Now you have to change this identity to someone who couldn’t give you that level of consistency, attention and  absolutely destroyed your self worth. This process doesn’t happen over night, it may take many months even years at time, depending on the type of person you are. But you have to exercise self discipline, and by that I mean even when you miss this person you have to be strong enough not to go back.

Remember never go back to what broke you!

 

 

 

Pain

That four-lettered word that holds a world of emotions and is thrown carelessly at unsuspecting souls repeatedly. Battered and bruised, and still they don’t stop. The laughs, the jeers, the fists, the kicks. Why us?

Waking everyday from a dreamless dream, to a terrifying nightmare, wishing we could close our eyes and never be awake again.

Depression looms, suicide nears, what do we do? Can anyone help us?

Tears are only our outsource of pain. Drop by drop, we fall against our victors. This cannot continue.

Acceptance and belief are the next step to change.

More words that holds the strength of the world upon their shoulders. Acceptance with belief, a combination, formidable even against the strongest. They can no longer hurt us. Who do they think they are. We will be better. We will be stronger. We will fight for us.

Sorrow and Success follow, two aspects of our lives, we can’t seem to have one without the other. Trust me, it will be ok. Remember the pain and build upon it.

No-one can hurt us no more. We will fight and we will win! The bully will fall and we will rise above them, united!

And it is that rise which will cause the pain the pain to be gone…

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Just something to think about.

Until next time.