Suicidal

Suicide. A relief for the sufferer, but a life long pain for loved ones.

I have just read an article regarding a 15 year old boy who has committed suicide as a result of being harrassed and bullied for a whole year. Several thoughts came into my mind when I read this article. Thoughts of disbelief that yet again schools are unaware of such bullying. Thoughts of heartache and sorrow, knowing what it feels like to be constantly bullied, harrassed and harangued day in day out. The reason for this post is that I hope that what I say as a survivor, helps someone one day.

January 2010. The month and year my life changed forever. A silly little game of truth and dare, completely blown out of proportion. A joke, which turned into years of hell. The rumours ran through school like wildfire. They were just that, RUMOURS, because there was no truth to them whatsoever, but who was going to listen. When someone knows something demoralizing about you, even though you think they are your friend, they would much prefer to conform to the norm of the majority, then believe you.

I spent days on my own in my classes, because no-one would sit next to me. I would have taunts said behind me as I walked passed. It’s things like this that first lead you into the realms of paranoia. Once paranoia kicks in so does anxiety up until there came a point where I refused to sit in assemblies, i would just lock myself in the toilets for a whole hour.

Now I may be going on a bit, but there is method in my madness.

Ask yourself this. Have you found yourself feeling like this? Has the thought of suicide been your only legitimate route of escape from life? If your answer to both of these questions is yes then please keep reading.

When you first start to imagine ways of killing yourself is when you need to stop and take 5 minutes to think of these 5 questions?

Why are they saying this abou me, is it true?

How are they different than me?

How am I better? (That list better be long you is AMAZING!)

Who can help me and protect me?

Do I really want my Mum and/or Dad to suffer if I die?

Think about your answers. 10 times out of 10 people chat shit about you because they are incompetent s***heads who are sorry excuses for human beings. Now I may sound like a hypocrite at this point but I am not telling you to tell them that, just think it 😉. What they don’t know won’t hurt them!

You are better because your cleverer, you don’t hurt people and you are generally a lovely person 😘.

You will feel like you can talk to no-one in school, not even teachers because you legitimately think they cannot help you. You just have to pick the right one. Normally your Head of Year or your tutor. Please do speak up because if you don not say something, nothing will happen to change your situation.

If they don’t listen, don’t stop. Tell the police using the non-emergency number. If that doesn’t work go to your nearest pharmacy and discuss your concerns. There are safeguarding policies in place to protect you. Help is always near. Don’t ever give up!

And last but not least. Your loved ones. Suicide doesn’t stop the pain, it just passes it on. Think about how it makes you feel when you see either of your Mum and Dad cry. I will leave it at that.

As someone who has been very close to suicide I can honestly say that it really isn’t worth it. I have a secret. I have a very good job. I cannot disclose what I do, but it gives me great pleasure to see the people who bullied and ostracized me to come into my work place and see that they haven’t done aswell as me in life. I also don’t think I could lose my little brother aswell, I love him too much and I don’t want him to feel any pain. So things do get better. I am living proof of this. No matter what and without a doubt there is help out there. You just need to find someone to help you.

So if you are feeling suicidal right now then find the correct help or even email us on facelessbanter@gmail.com if you need any form of help. We will do our best to try and get back to you within 24 hours.

I feel like I have gone on for ages but Suicide is a subject close to my heart and I cannot say it enough. YOU ARE AMAZING!! Simple. I don’t know, you but the fact your living and breathing means you are.

Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop. I am living proof that I survived and I is enjoying life right now! Thanks be to God. My saviour! 😁😁😁😁

Until next time 💜💜💜

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Workplace Mannerisms

It takes just 1 person to create a web of lies for their own personal benefit and to destroy the bonds you have formed within your team. The word bully pops to mind but then you could argue that the person is just a weak sorry excuse of a human being who isn’t worth any moment of your time.

But here I am. Thinking about it. Mentally battling it out. But why am I?

In the span of 2 months I have identified one place of work where the work place mannerisms of the colleagues resembles something close to a bunch of dogs. Now you may think I am being harsh. The fact of the matter is that every little issue is blown up out of proportion. And who is the centre of all of this. One person. The person I have named dinosaur. I made the mistake of complaining to management about something. Next thing I know this dinosaur is wounded terribly and I am the vicious villian who has delivered the blow.

Now your probably sat here thinking. What the hell is this idiot rambling on about such a ludacris issue for? There is always a moral to my rants.

To all of you people out there who have been subjected to workplace bullying just because you spoke up or just because your different. Believe me these dinosaurs are not worth you time and just focus on the task on hand. Because the law of attraction states any good and positive energy from the brain will radiate out into your life and success is the biggest destroyer of dinosaurs.

Well its currently 1:13am right now and with this off my chest I can fall asleep much more easily because dinosaurs are f*****g t**ts and have the brain capacity of a pea. And on that note I am going to hit the hay…

Just before I go. If you would like us to discuss any topics then please feel free to email us on facelessbanter@gmail.com

Goodnight Dinosaur Crushers!!! ❤

Negativity

I have to be honest with you guys. I have been really low for the past couple of days and I thought maybe it would be worth writing a blog post about what’s on my mind? So here goes nothing.

There comes a time in life where you no longer are in the “immature teen” state of mind. This may be at 19, 20, 21…who knows. My point is why do people act so immature.

If your laughing at me, the jokes on you b****, because you ain’t going anywhere fast. People who laugh at you have nothing better to do with their lives. All they care about is what others are doing and not what’s going on in their lives. Ultimately they spend too much time concentrating on where their victims are going in life and lose direction of their own. Their loss not yours. The day they come to realise how much time they lost thinking about you, is the day you make it.

Essentially what I’ve been trying to do is to make myself understand why they are laughing at me? But it suddenly occured to me about 10 minutes ago that who gives a f***? People like that get nowhere in life.

Faceless Banter does what it says on the tin. I’m banting a rant and I feel hella better about it.😤😰😧

Before I leave you, I have had an idea. Essentially I love to help people, it’s part of my day job and it makes me feel happy knowing that I helped a person. (Get to the point woman!) So I was thinking that if anyone of you guys would like to send in a question to our email account, we would be more than happy to provide you with our opinion about it on here, anonymously of course. Our email address is facelessbanter@gmail.com.

I wish you all a lovely day and stay smiling because you can.

Take Care 😊

A short one…

Hello, I hope you’re doing well today. If not, go give someone you love a hug because nothing makes you more happy than putting a smile on another persons face.

Now the title of this blog post really does mean what it says. It is going to be a short one unfortunately as I have a life-changing exam in 19 days and writing a blog post is something I just have to do right this minute. 😉😄

Bullying. I know I write several blog posts about bullying, but I have been feeling a little low so blogging is my way of speaking out about it.

I was bullied for 6 years.

And today of all days when I should be revising I start thinking about what used to happen to me.

It is not a nice feeling at all. The jeers, the laughs, the paper balls to my head. Yes I have been there. 😔

I hate bullying with a passion and it makes me so angry that idiots can get away with such things. They are not human. Because if they were they would not have done what they did to me. There were several times where suicide became an option in my eyes. There was no-where else to go. I was alone.

My relationship with God was re-established because I was alone. God was my saviour. I used to cry myself to sleep at night. I had only God to talk to. Slowly but surely I rose above everything with these two beliefs. Everything happens for a reason and God is the best of planners.

My mental battle between life and death was forgotten because God became my purpose in life. Now your probably sat there thinking, how can God affect someone so much. I was alone. I had no-one else. I would read statuses online everyday on my Facebook page about hardships and tests. I was educating myself on the wonders of the past. I was seeing changes in my life that only God could instill. For the first time in 6 years I was seeing and feeling happiness.

I know this was meant to be a short one. Well when I let my emotions out there is no stopping me.

On a final note I would like to say that whatever your going through there is a reason for it and it will end. Keep going and keep fighting. Do it for yourself and your loved ones. Make yourself and them happy. Remember suicide only passes on the pain to another.

Until next time.

P.S. if you need someone to talk to anonymously then please do not hesitate to message us at facelessbanter@gmail.com. Thank you and take care. 😊

Uncertainty….

 

Most nights I stay awake thinking whether the choices I have made in life were right and whether the current route I am pursuing is correct for me, is this what I am meant to be doing or have I got it totally wrong. Each time I remain totally uncertain, perhaps it’s my nature to be so uncertain but I so wish I was not like this. I think, think and think more and this to be honest achieves nothing for me. Maybe reading this, this is something  you can relate to. Though I have no answer for you, on how to rectify this what I can say is that sometimes you just have to trust the journey and now that you’re destined path will open. This however, is easier than done. For me, I rely on God to get me through and each time I feel overwhelmed by my journey I reflect on this quote:

“As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good; I was actually being re-directed to something better. You must convince your heart that whatever God has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you.”

-Imam Ghazali

Now I’m aware that everyone does not have faith in God and that’s why if you do have worries and uncertainty in your heart you must find an alternative that can help you and almost soothe your heart in times of uncertainty and difficulty. Truth be told you’ve probably heard this a million times, but worrying is really pointless but humans have an intrinsic trait to obsesses and ponder over negative thoughts and think of the worst possible scenarios that may occur, now I am also guilty of this. For this, you have to change your thought pattern, if you concentrate on a positive thoughts believe me your life will improve endlessly. I truly hope that for someone, somewhere out there this post has helped you……

Serenity

Stroll

Have you ever wanted to just drop everything and run? Have you ever wanted to travel around the world without a worry in sight? Have you ever just wanted peace?

I’m guessing YES because if your answer is no then your life is way too easy and be grateful because not many are blessed with such a thing. Now your probably wondering where this post is going.

Let me tell you a story.

It was a beautiful sunny morning and I had just landed in Birmingham for an exam at the sweet time of 7:30am. (Those bleeding exams 😦 ) There was literally no-one around probably because they were still sleeping or were still at home like normal people. There are some really fancy-schmancy buildings along my walk towards the university. I was literally strolling along the pavement with the sun burning me and the wind blowing around me and I have to say that I have never felt more at peace then I did then. It was in that moment that I realised that one day i was going to make it. Exams are depressing as f***and know I sit here near the biggest exam of my life 3 years on and I know it’s going to be okay. That stroll I had literally made me drop most of my worries and changed my perspective of my future. I remember thinking “I am going to make it.”

Referring back to the start of this blog post where I asked a few rhetorical questions. They become relevant at this point of the post. You can do all of those things and have all of those if you work hard now. My parents bang on about this all the time and for the last 18 years I have finally realised what they now mean. I am closer to my goal than I have ever been, I have made it. Through bullying, pain, suicidal thoughts feeling like it’s not worth it, I AM HERE!!!!

That stroll changed my life!

I hope I have inspired you a little and I hope you have a lovely day. Until next time 🙂

Can’t take it anymore…

As I lie here and you read on, the hope instilled in my soul dwindles even more. The days keep passing by but the same s**t just keeps on happening.

Is it worth it? Shall I give up? Torn between life and death. A decision I need to make.

The laughs, the jeers. Is it me or is it them? Paranoia becomes my best friend. I sit in an emotional mess everyday. Do I really want to go on? 2 years, 3 years..how many more can I take?

I see no light and I hear evil. Do I want to be a part of this corruption anymore?

Save me or kill me. It is in your hands.

This may sound really confusing to most of you guys. However, read deeper and in between the lines. Bullying and suicide is an issue that is growing uncontrablly everyday and it is something dear to my heart. I speak from experience and I know how it feels. Keep going is my advice to you. Karma’s a bitch and it’s going to bite their ar**s soon! Count on it. Make something of youself. Be big. Make them jealous…

Until next time.

Bullying

The echoing laughs, the pointing fingers. The sneers, the unnecessary smirks. To say I was happy was a lie that fell from my lips too easily. It was as if I was alone. Trying to find my way out of this nightmare, which would never end. Everyday becomes a chore. Repeatedly mocking me until I can take no more.

I lie here with my wounds wide open, praying for a release from this cycle of depression. Help me, save me, I can’t let this go on. I sit here with these words. I am alone, I have no-one so why is life worth living. There is no-one to help me now, so what do I do. Is it the end? 

STOP!

Breathe. Just let it out. Cry. Shout. Ain’t nobody going to hurt you. You are not alone. I was in your shoes once. I know how it feels to be degraded and bullied by mindless imbeciles. Just remember, when your successful, they will remember you and you will be their boss. Ain’t that the biggest dose of karma ever.

Don’t let anyone hurt you. Get stronger and be stronger. Fufill your dreams and be who you want to be. Use the pain as your motivation to become successful. Words mean nothing. No-one can get to you unless you let them.

Smile. I am.