Suicidal

Suicide. A relief for the sufferer, but a life long pain for loved ones.

I have just read an article regarding a 15 year old boy who has committed suicide as a result of being harrassed and bullied for a whole year. Several thoughts came into my mind when I read this article. Thoughts of disbelief that yet again schools are unaware of such bullying. Thoughts of heartache and sorrow, knowing what it feels like to be constantly bullied, harrassed and harangued day in day out. The reason for this post is that I hope that what I say as a survivor, helps someone one day.

January 2010. The month and year my life changed forever. A silly little game of truth and dare, completely blown out of proportion. A joke, which turned into years of hell. The rumours ran through school like wildfire. They were just that, RUMOURS, because there was no truth to them whatsoever, but who was going to listen. When someone knows something demoralizing about you, even though you think they are your friend, they would much prefer to conform to the norm of the majority, then believe you.

I spent days on my own in my classes, because no-one would sit next to me. I would have taunts said behind me as I walked passed. It’s things like this that first lead you into the realms of paranoia. Once paranoia kicks in so does anxiety up until there came a point where I refused to sit in assemblies, i would just lock myself in the toilets for a whole hour.

Now I may be going on a bit, but there is method in my madness.

Ask yourself this. Have you found yourself feeling like this? Has the thought of suicide been your only legitimate route of escape from life? If your answer to both of these questions is yes then please keep reading.

When you first start to imagine ways of killing yourself is when you need to stop and take 5 minutes to think of these 5 questions?

Why are they saying this abou me, is it true?

How are they different than me?

How am I better? (That list better be long you is AMAZING!)

Who can help me and protect me?

Do I really want my Mum and/or Dad to suffer if I die?

Think about your answers. 10 times out of 10 people chat shit about you because they are incompetent s***heads who are sorry excuses for human beings. Now I may sound like a hypocrite at this point but I am not telling you to tell them that, just think it πŸ˜‰. What they don’t know won’t hurt them!

You are better because your cleverer, you don’t hurt people and you are generally a lovely person 😘.

You will feel like you can talk to no-one in school, not even teachers because you legitimately think they cannot help you. You just have to pick the right one. Normally your Head of Year or your tutor. Please do speak up because if you don not say something, nothing will happen to change your situation.

If they don’t listen, don’t stop. Tell the police using the non-emergency number. If that doesn’t work go to your nearest pharmacy and discuss your concerns. There are safeguarding policies in place to protect you. Help is always near. Don’t ever give up!

And last but not least. Your loved ones. Suicide doesn’t stop the pain, it just passes it on. Think about how it makes you feel when you see either of your Mum and Dad cry. I will leave it at that.

As someone who has been very close to suicide I can honestly say that it really isn’t worth it. I have a secret. I have a very good job. I cannot disclose what I do, but it gives me great pleasure to see the people who bullied and ostracized me to come into my work place and see that they haven’t done aswell as me in life. I also don’t think I could lose my little brother aswell, I love him too much and I don’t want him to feel any pain. So things do get better. I am living proof of this. No matter what and without a doubt there is help out there. You just need to find someone to help you.

So if you are feeling suicidal right now then find the correct help or even email us on facelessbanter@gmail.com if you need any form of help. We will do our best to try and get back to you within 24 hours.

I feel like I have gone on for ages but Suicide is a subject close to my heart and I cannot say it enough. YOU ARE AMAZING!! Simple. I don’t know, you but the fact your living and breathing means you are.

Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop. I am living proof that I survived and I is enjoying life right now! Thanks be to God. My saviour! 😁😁😁😁

Until next time πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

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A short one…

Hello, I hope you’re doing well today. If not, go give someone you love a hug because nothing makes you more happy than putting a smile on another persons face.

Now the title of this blog post really does mean what it says. It is going to be a short one unfortunately as I have a life-changing exam in 19 days and writing a blog post is something I just have to do right this minute. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜„

Bullying. I know I write several blog posts about bullying, but I have been feeling a little low so blogging is my way of speaking out about it.

I was bullied for 6 years.

And today of all days when I should be revising I start thinking about what used to happen to me.

It is not a nice feeling at all. The jeers, the laughs, the paper balls to my head. Yes I have been there. πŸ˜”

I hate bullying with a passion and it makes me so angry that idiots can get away with such things. They are not human. Because if they were they would not have done what they did to me. There were several times where suicide became an option in my eyes. There was no-where else to go. I was alone.

My relationship with God was re-established because I was alone. God was my saviour. I used to cry myself to sleep at night. I had only God to talk to. Slowly but surely I rose above everything with these two beliefs. Everything happens for a reason and God is the best of planners.

My mental battle between life and death was forgotten because God became my purpose in life. Now your probably sat there thinking, how can God affect someone so much. I was alone. I had no-one else. I would read statuses online everyday on my Facebook page about hardships and tests. I was educating myself on the wonders of the past. I was seeing changes in my life that only God could instill. For the first time in 6 years I was seeing and feeling happiness.

I know this was meant to be a short one. Well when I let my emotions out there is no stopping me.

On a final note I would like to say that whatever your going through there is a reason for it and it will end. Keep going and keep fighting. Do it for yourself and your loved ones. Make yourself and them happy. Remember suicide only passes on the pain to another.

Until next time.

P.S. if you need someone to talk to anonymously then please do not hesitate to message us at facelessbanter@gmail.com. Thank you and take care. 😊

Bullying

The echoing laughs, the pointing fingers. The sneers, the unnecessary smirks. To say I was happy was a lie that fell from my lips too easily.Β It was as if I was alone. Trying to find my way out of this nightmare, which would never end. Everyday becomes a chore. Repeatedly mocking me until I can take no more.

I lie here with my wounds wide open, praying for a release from this cycle of depression. Help me, save me, I can’t let this go on.Β I sit here with these words. I am alone, I have no-one so why is life worth living. There is no-one to help me now, so what do I do. Is it the end?Β 

STOP!

Breathe. Just let it out. Cry. Shout. Ain’t nobody going to hurt you. You are not alone. I was in your shoes once. I know how it feels to be degraded and bullied by mindless imbeciles. Just remember, when your successful, they will remember you and you will be their boss. Ain’t that the biggest dose of karma ever.

Don’t let anyone hurt you. Get stronger and be stronger. Fufill your dreams and be who you want to be. Use the pain as your motivation to become successful. Words mean nothing. No-one can get to you unless you let them.

Smile. I am.